Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

I don't need to explain my love
Nor ever mouth my loss,
For i know you know too
The beats that carry my heart.
Why must we ever be apart
Over doubts and conceits? 
I yearn for one syllable,
Of your lost voice,
Plunge in distant memories
Retrieve those primordial moments
Now gathered in misty mazes
And hazed histories.

Each moment of mine suffers
Under unlikely impressions
Of your departed presence.
I question the lamenting past
To retrieve the passages
Of glorious,sunlit yesterdays.
You own the coming future,
Own the might to make it right.
Weak are those who break bonds
Over pebbles of a hungry stream.
Come back and linger with me
Till the die is cast and breaths last.

Meandering Me

Perdido

In revolving doors
Of distant nights
I saw her twice.
Two moments
Or perhaps three,
Quite like no other,
Took my breath away,
As blood rushed
So did i
To steal another glance.


Alas!
Cruel fate.
She disappeared
In ancillary crowds.
I searched,
Ineffectual life led since
Those two moments
Or perhaps three.

Hymn 1.22

Ragged dolls speak no more of redemption
Nor of love
That left its mark, etched on the soul
For eternities while shadows heave
Upon my closed eyes
That eternal silence of yours tears me apart
And closed chambers locked within buried grounds
Carry within them the arc of nebulae
Serpentine glances mean nothing
And also not the riches i possess
Flames sputter as i dissolve in your
World of nothingness.


Wrote this one years back on a back of an envelope, posting it now because a friend unearthed it recently.

Sun Dogs

Arduous are paths of rivers that have no names
Long are some journeys and Tigers can't be tamed
Some bridges can't be bridged for such is the will of law
Yours and mine
Mine and yours
Are some such treacherous tales.

Est queadam fiere voluptas (There is a certain pleasure in weeping.)

The first thing he noticed about her was her hair.She had her hair cut in layers with razored edges and sported long fringe bangs that she kept partially swept to the side and out of her eyes. She seemed to enjoy the purposefully styled messy look, which accentuated her kohl lit eyes.Her face was impassively beautiful,reminding him of frigid lakes he had seen when he was in St Petersburg,where a thin,almost invisible sheet of icy layer stopped every and any ripple that dared its presence.He was magnetically drawn towards the nape of her neck where a single mole rested languidly,oblivious of the effect that it was causing on a stranger's heart- his heart,a matter of fact.Slowly he averted his gaze,finished his single malt and casually walked over to the bar to order another,forcing himself not to turn back to gaze at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
 This is love,he thought,this is what it feels like.The maddening pace of his heart,bursting with euphoria of life itself,the cold sweat slowly trickling towards the back of his neck and the way his eyes had begun to sparkle.He felt strangely alive and had an inexplicable desire to laugh out aloud.For the first time in life he actually wanted to live with gay abandon and break all rules.Suddenly he understood why people took risks,why boys drove fast cars and girls broke rules,it was the majestic and grand feeling of being reckless-he was recklessly now in love with a woman whose name he did not know yet.

As shadows danced,the evening began to quickly pass.He thought several times of going up to her and talk but he couldn't muster the courage.It was simply impossible for him to go up to her say something and equally difficult to stand there and do nothing.All his entire life he never had any hesitation talking to anyone,he had charmed Councilors,smooth talked his way out of everything and even courted impossible women but today his tongue was dry and his palms sweaty.He was probably nervous for the first time in his life and it actually felt weird.He went over to the bar and ordered another Scotch.As the bartender poured a shot over two hazy cubes, he suddenly stiffened as he saw her standing right next to him.A faint scent of cedar and leather wafted towards him and he instantly recognized it as Anais Anais,a rare delightful fragrance, after all women fragrances were nothing new to him.He slowly turned his head as she walked away,hoping to steal another long amorous glance when he suddenly felt someone tugging at his leg,


"Daddy,mommy is looking everywhere for you",said Nysa tersely,his seven year daughter.


He affectionately picked her up and gave her a loving peck on her forehead.Then he set her down,let her wrap her small tender hand around his finger and lead him back to her mother,back to his wife and back to his loveless marriage of nine long years.He longed to look back and gaze solemnly at the woman with whom he had fallen in love with but he continued walking with a heavy heart under the leaden sky.

Ab incunabulis

Thwarted by forces i do not see
I lie in chambers of earthen glee
Buried under fortresses of melting snow
I metamorphose in a demonic glow
Planets move in decreed planes
Grieve and lament the familiar Manes
Mendacity envelops virtuous all
And sinners fornicate in evening Balls
In every shattered hope i see
The last of tear filled seas
For Darkness took form of deity Light
Began its conquest of control and might
Villainy has now a new name
And with it
Lie the rules of the game.


Now let me come back to me
Take you away to the Arctic Seas
A place where it all began
Gods,Warriors,Man and Clan
This is the place where it will all end
Conceptual universes finally rend
I slowly feel alive and virile
Know not whether by craft or guile
As fused blood hastens to my loins
Triple Goddesses utter their final scream
Thy daughter erupts from splintered wombs
As sukra and blood penetrate my tomb
The Bethelean beast is now complete
For both Darkness and Virtue
Shall together taste defeat.


Eons of lifetimes now lay scattered
The mightiest fall slain and battered
Music plays beneath a drunken shore
Georgian lutes and goddess whores
My daughter and I walk upon red sands
Towards dried seas and sooty lands
For we are the ones whom prophecies failed
The universe never mattered,our visions hailed
Now we walk alone on broken twigs
Bathe in springs and consume figs
Sparkling brightly the sun too fears
Lest Father and Daughter doth come near
For I am he for whom the dead world cried
And by my side sleeps my Daughter Bride.
My dark seed rests in her virgin womb
The one that begot her in my dusty tomb
And my prodigal son shall breathe soon
I shall now smile while universes swoon.

Fallen Roses

She was often unsure of what she was doing but this time,she was absolutely clueless.Her family would never allow such a match.It was true that he was intelligent and a good man but even if was the most eligible bachelor in the entire world,they still wouldn't let her marry him.He was,bluntly put,not of their caste.Why was she still clinging on to him?Why could she not bring herself to leave him forever and move on?Is this Love,she thought despairingly and if it was why did it have to be so painful .Why was everything so difficult in life?

He would understand if she left him.He always did.His large black eyes were deep like the ocean and they took everything within.When she raged at him or cried upon his shoulder,his comforting eyes looked into hers and made her warm.Warm with joy,with comfort and with hope.He was always there for her,like a silent rock who had pledged his life to the raging seas,he always stood by her no matter what she said or did.His silent devotion made her cringe.He knew she could never go against her family but still he was there,by her side,comforting and smiling.He was a good man and deserved better,she thought.She tried to fight with him numerous times,trying to distance herself so he wouldn't feel any pain but he was no fool.He always knew her intentions,he knew her bickering was symptomatic of her frustrations;he simply knew everything.He knew her completely.Both of them were hopelessly in love.Both knew the outcome of their doomed existence but both lived and continued to love.They had reached a stoic understanding of their fate.Their love had transcended marriage and society.Both could lead separate lives,marry someone else,have children and still could go on loving each other till their last breath.

But it always hurt her,she could never reach that spiritual and philosophical plane that he had achieved.She could never imagine life without him.His laugh,his smile,his soft gentle hands,the way he looked in her eyes,his soft,comforting voice and the way he made her feel;like a princess,like only she existed in the world and nothing else.When they were together the world melted in shadows and memories while nothing else mattered.Those moments defined life itself,everything else was a painful blurred memory.She felt alive when she was with him,life began to have a reason of being,she wanted in those moments to live,to breathe and to smile.He changed everything,her mind,her emotions and even her identity.She became someone else,much different from what she had been bought up to be.Her face softened,her voice had vitality and even her stride changed.She felt exuberant to the point of lunacy.He empowered her.He made her complete.

She wanted to die.She wanted to slit her wrists and leave this world forever,a world which refused possibilities of love,a world which was indifferent to her existence.But she never did anything beyond contemplating it in moments of lament,for she knew he would destroy himself.Not merely kill himself but destroy his very life.She would die and leave the world,he would live and die everyday.She lived for him ignorant of the fact that he had precisely the same reasons for living life.Both lived.Both suffered.Each day passed,the sun rose and set,each day she she woke up and wept.He had no answers for she asked no questions.She had been raised by her family,they had fed her,loved her;she couldn't just betray them because her heart belonged to someone else.They owned her life while he owned her heart.Life had no easy answers.She could not risk her parent's shame.She chose them.

Her wedding was a lavish affair.Relatives from far and away were called.Sweets were stuffed in their mouths,pictures clicked,blessings obliged.The bride sat on the mock throne on the stage with her to-be husband.Aunts commented how fair she looked,a detailed observation would have revealed a pale complexion and deathly demeanor.She had stopped thinking;not today but some months earlier when she had conceded to her parent's choice,a well groomed-educated boy of a traditional business family.Her mother had commented that her duty was over and she could now die peacefully while her father had smiled at the poetic exaggerations of his wife.The daughter had not been consulted about her feelings.Assumptions were the order of the day.As she sat frailly on the pseudo-majestic throne,she remembered the day when she had broke him the news of her marriage.He was impassive,he was quiet,he was shattered.Within his mind he always knew that this day would eventually come but the actual finality of the moment paralyzed him.His heart began to painfully coil as she spoke those words,those final words of parting and tender pain.He held her close,whispered words in her ear,looked deeply within those now-wet eyes and walked away.

The auspicious moment as decided by the chuckling,pot-bellied pundit drew closer.Finally it was time and the two walked towards the holy fire that would unite them forever.She walked,matching her partner's stride,numb with realization of the finality.Formless shapes appeared before her eyes and she began her part of the holy rites,dutifully observing each action as she was told.They say your whole life flashes before your very eyes when you die.She was not dying,simply getting married but He flashed before her eyes.His soft caresses,his husky voice,his enveloping frame,all came back to her as she began to encircle the holy fire with a man she barely knew.Each step erased her previous identity,she was no longer a girl,but a woman whose life would now revolve around her husband and unknown spheres of domesticity,not around Him.When all the rites were over and her forehead glistened with perspiration and vermilion,she allowed herself a single tear.No loud wailing and torrent of tears as custom demanded from a newly wed bride but a single tear.It was the final gesture of her love for Him.She walked into the fading night with her husband rightfully clutching her right hand.She glided into a new world,her mind erased of the past and her heart hollow of all emotion for she knew He had left her world forever.



She was wrong.They were destined to meet years later.

Silent Betrayal

I smiled often so you could smile
I hid my tears so you wouldn't cry
I gave you my hand when times were tough
I did everything when things were rough
I wiped your tears and wept for your grief
I held your hand to make you understand
I believed in god so i could pray for you
I slept in sand whilst i dreamt of heaven for you
I punished myself for your sins
I helped you always when i could
I thought of you when i smiled
I cared for your happiness
I cared for your joy
I forgot everything when i heard your voice
I made up stories to amuse you
I hoped i would never lose you
I gave up everything when you asked
I would sell myself to buy you a laugh

But

You cheated whilst i trusted
You laughed when i cried
You will smile if i die
You forgot me after you passed your time
You lost me when you broke my trust
You broke my soul and lost yours too
You robbed a man who would have given it all up
You made fun behind my back
You laughed with spite and became cruel
You faked affection in your hatred
You gave me up for your own ends
You thought me as an ignorant fool
You brought ruin upon a gentle soul
You sinned when you stabbed my back
You have no heart to love
You have no soul to pray
You are cold and you know it too
You think your god will ever forgive you?

Complex/Komplex

We all are actually dead.You and i especially.We have lost the ability to create new thoughts,to give birth to genuine ideas,of thoughts which have never been thought before.All we do is to recycle and reuse thoughts that are being passed to us from existing and dominant nodes of power.Where is our Revolution?In our books,in art house cinema or some dingy old corner of a shoddy pub where speech is ALWAYS predominant to action??Where is your CAUSE?The will to live,the reason to breathe and the melodies of our heartbeats;all are just vague,dull,repetitive entities.I cannot even develop a referential point for a non conformist argument because everything is corrupted.I feel existentially oppressed.The oppressor is a chimera,the revolutionary must become a chimera too in order to overcome oppression.

The CAUSE should be paramount.The very top of the holy pyramid.Its existence is eternal,humans and their actions become both meaningless and meaningful,both descriptions adhering to different frameworks,the particular vs the universal.

As Che said: It is not a matter of wishing success to the victim of aggression,but of sharing his fate.

The revolutionary must live for the cause,burn to illuminate,fizzle to ignite.My cause lies within the very layers of my existence.Its spark,as i understand,is bright.I dream of it very day.It makes everything else insignificant;family,life,success,love and especially myself.I don't have any desire to define myself within conventional parameters of success and failure.I lost the wish when i gained the Cause.It enlightened me,within rudiments of human extensions,gave me a purpose which only i can see.I risk being called mad and unreasonable by the world,even cold and deviant;yes it is true but only within the rules of your world.The rules of my world are different.I adhere only to them.

The mind is the the Source.From here stems all that we know of.It is also the purest paradox.It feeds you illusions but in the garb of knowledge.Revolution takes place when you identify the paradox,Enlightenment when you understand it and Self Destruction when you decipher it.I talk of Revolution only because it is the first step.The first step to salvation.It lies outside the bubble of civilization.A place where the mind is not bound by laws,human or cosmic and death is as alluring as life itself.But my words are hieroglyphics for those who do not understand neither the Cause nor the Revolution but then i am not writing for the many germs of the world.I write for a select few gems.

I have often heard:Long Live The Revolution.Why,if i may ask,should the Revolution live long?I do not want it to be stagnant.It should end itself to give rise to a new Revolution.
Glorious and eternal.
The beauty of every Cause is that it exists.It exists for itself not for the world and that is how should ideally every human should exist.Each human a Cause,each human a Revolution.

“Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire."
Tucholsky