Unborn

Quietly it lives within me
the secret of my child
unborn and residual
growing with each heartbeat
despair and lament
personified in existence

Its birth was fusion of
lost love and tainted blood
fallen men and exalted gods
dark deeds and mystic rites
curses and blessings alike.

Now its kicks my belly
while i scream in agony
of joyful pains lost in
sunshine's dark rain.

Lust in its soul ingrained
the falcon is hunted
and the gods now weep
over the coitus of loss.

As i feel death brewing
inside my womb of despair
i feel a furious blush
creep up my thigh
tingling and twitching
like a virgin's water breaking.

Dare i call it a child
and risk the loss of
hovering spirits divine?
hoping it sacrifices
my soul at the alter of lust.

Birth shall not matter
for it is now fused
within thy veins
longing and eternal pains

We are now one
trapping and deceiving
the world at large
moments strewn in chaos
from Persia to Laos.

Death might be the key
and i will never be free
as long as i breathe
i promise i will be a mystery.

One Who Doesn't Fall

Love is a fantasy of illusions
broken hearts and enveloping confusions
of loneliness that stems from desire
and stupid Cupid's childish mire.

Its charms are befuddling
grasping while cuddling
It will make life worthwhile
and make you truly smile.

Your worries will turn to dust
your anguish will now rust
but then it will formally deceive
bridging the chimeric sieves.

Then all will be forever lost
and then you might even remember Faust
overreaching and ambitious he was
and like your happiness,forever cross.

You might sit and weep
lament and truly grieve
but the one lost won't return
for love spares no one.

Love is an intoxication
surrendering the self and devastation
all powerful are its chasms
bliss and orgasmic spasms.

Like a wave of sweet pain
and emotion's torrential rain
sweep you off your feet
until you accept defeat

Let it come upon me
like all conquering Poseidon's sea
and i will show it a self
who won't fall in love
I will show myself.

All of love's Friends

I saw her once just by chance
and my heart wandered far and away
I offered her my hand and soul
but she mistook me and left me alone
I often say to myself
her lies a girl that suffered a loss
my love and my soul
I shall have someone else
for my heart lies in my hand
but she will shed a tear
when the truth reaches her ear
I say this today aloud
for you misunderstood me
and left me standing at the door
Now i will never have you back
for understanding you truly lack
I am free of love and her friends
but you dear girl,
will someday realise
that you lost love
and all her friends.

For the one who left

Sullen with rage and god's fallen grace
i walk on a path with time's dead pace
Truth and honor now lay forsaken
with memories of my past brutally taken.

I often glance at the many tombs
of unsung heroes and virgin grooms
emotions out of the ordinary and infants slain
for the coldest blood now runs through my veins.

Reach out to me with the your soft hands
and take me away from this mortal land
where ideas and identities are now dead
with shame,sorrow and lifeless dread.

I now stand forever divided in the realm of chaos
neither can cut a vein nor breathe forever
our conception lies in moments of joy
of history's battles and the fall of Troy.

Death,you surely reek pleasure
in man's wasted and corrupted measure.
Take me with you so i may embrace her
and leave behind shards of my existence forever.

I lament and shriek,shout and scream
for she left me halfway through my dreams
Alchemy and necromancy are my tools
with vengeance and sins i shall rule.

I will wipe out civilizations
and burn the brotherhood of nations
With Nemesis and Mars standing by my side
Overthrow,I shall,god's scared tide.

But injustice is not my way
let you and i work out something today
release my love from hands of death
or let the cosmos face my wrath.

Time Gone By

In a land far from our time
i once saw a woman blind
She struggled along a motley path
oblivious to death's dark wrath.

As she walked,she stumbled often
and each time i felt my heart soften
She had bruises,black and blue
in her heart she knew she was true.

Finally death came upon her
and held her tender hand
She smiled and cried
together to an unknown land.

I see her often in my dreams
walking,stumbling on life's path
never breaking down
moving along her own pace
celestial radiance on her wrinkled face.

She taught me something
of hope and happiness
and god's plan in everything
and lost joy of sadness.

Often i turn to her
finding myself in conflict
turning to the one gone by
and over the divided self fly.

Eros

Come lets go far and away
or you and i will forever sway.
To this maddening crowd
inherently crass and loud.

Visit a sunny meadow
lost in god's own shadow.
Jump and happily squeal
our souls slowly heal.

Take your hand in mine
as the stars above us shine.
The cool breeze in your hair
as we lie near a rabbit's lair.

Fragrant are the budding flowers
freshly minted from yesterday's showers.
The wind makes a curious noise
edging against your body's slender poise.

The sun's shadow now leaves
with solemn passion my breath heaves.
I look daringly in those gentle eyes
glumly darken the above skies.

I reach for your soft nape
amazed at its angelic shape.
You give me a strange delight
blushing furiously at my sight.

As the night slowly passes
i lay my head in your dark tresses.
Hypnotic and dazed in your charms
bliss,glee and joyful spasms.

Fireflies circle our tangled selves
you whisper an old tale of elves.
I quietly murmur a prayer
for you will always be there to care.

Dawn creeps,the night weeps
water from a brook gently seeps.
Young birds yawn and stretch
nibbling the food their mother's fetch.

Your face is covered with a dazzling light
its a divine and blessed sight.
The gods have finally smiled
and made you mine.

Touch

I shall stand by your side
and never let you go.
I made this promise long ago
but now i have to go.

My heartbeats are few
short as the morning dew.
Don't cry over my lonely grave
for it is only your love that i crave.

You are more precious to me
pure,captivating and serene.
Like the love of a sailor for the sea
joy of a gentle lamb in the greens.

I have searched my soul
for lost answers of our past.
To touch you has been my goal
for eternity my love shall last

Left alone in darkness
i often think of death
Of unfulfilled imagination
and life's failing health.

If you could only say yes
and pull me from suicidal abyss.
Call me back,shed a tear
to leave you alone is all i fear.

Now choose me or life
my hand is outstretched.
gently touch my finger
And our love shall always linger.

?

The sun is dim
and the moon has turned black.
For i loved her
and she didn't love me back.

Confessions of a Beleagured Mind------Part Three

Part two is here

"Why did you kill your father",asked the lean,thoughtful police officer sitting in front of me with composed authority.Anurag Chaubey,IPS.The name sounded strangely familiar.The police had arrived about fifteen minutes after the peon had rushed in hearing Mrs Irani's scream."I can't help you if you say nothing",he continued.I looked at him indifferently.He looked at me inquiringly.The bulb shone brightly on my face in the small,dingy room.I could hear a fly buzzing around and i wondered where it was."Listen,boy,you are in some serious shit,you just don't know it yet,you think some hot shot lawyer will get you out.You are mistaken.You have been caught red handed on the scene of crime.Don't make me try a different approach.Now,why did you murder him?",Inspector Chaubey then stood up and gave me a patronizing glance.I looked at him and said"Can i have a cup of coffee,please."He looked surprised but said nothing.He left the room and returned two minutes later with a steaming cup of hot coffee in a shabby looking mug.I drank deeply,savoring each drop with life clinging affection."I admit to my crime.I killed my father or rather my mother's husband.I killed him because i had to.I don't care what happens now.",I said quietly.Perhaps it was the way i said it but i felt his eyes boring into mine,trying to unmask my soul."Your statement is recorded and will be used against you in court.Is there anything you wish to add?"."I would like to finish my coffee before you take me anywhere".I smiled.

My case was forwarded to a fast track court.Since i had admitted to my crime,i was not given a death sentence but rather life imprisonment.My face was splurged on every newspaper in the nation.Debates were held about morality and the inevitable decline of family values.My relatives came from far and away.They came with seething anger and a scathing tongue.I was abused with cuss words every moment fate gave them.A shoe was thrown on my face during the court proceedings by my father's favorite cousin.My humble request to light my father's pyre was rejected by family elders.Our family lawyer visited me and told me that i was now the owner of my late father's legacy.Sixty Seven crores worth of land,factories,cash deposits and what not.It was now all mine.I met one of my uncles after a humble request to Anurag Chaubey."Why have you called me here,you lowly piece of garbage.I,I celebrated,I danced the day you were born.I wish i had strangled you then.What sort of son are you?",he half said,half shouted.He would have continued had i not interjected,"Do you want the money my father left me?".He shut up and looked at me.I looked back."What sort of sick game are you playing now?".I looked back,a small smile playing on my lips."Everything i own will now be yours.I want you to comply to two of my requests.Firstly,I want to be transferred to the worst prison possible.I want to be tortured and beaten.My life should become hell.Let the sexually abuse me,let them bring upon me dark deeds unheard of.Make me suffer.Make me weep.Secondly i want you to burn down every possession my late mother owned.Everything.Do this and you can have everything.",i said in a tone of cold authority.He abused me,threatened to have me shot but finally agreed.He left with numb disbelief at my demands.I relaxed.

My demands were met.The money was transferred.I was beaten everyday without fail.The guards took care that i did not fall unconscious because of the severity of their beating.Cold water,inhumanly frigid was thrown on my face.It felt like being hit by a frozen block of ice.Still the tears would not come.I was raped by frustrated,deviant men who did unmentionable things with me.I ate little,drank much and meditated the whole day.In the evening,the guards would come and the ordeal would begin again.I suffered from hallucinations,often waking up in the night,screaming at unsaid horrors.But gradually my screams lessened and i began to steel myself against the tortures that would never stop.An year passed.Then another too passed.In the third year,I had a visitor who would change everything.

Confessions of a Beleaguered Mind------Part Two

Please read the first part here.

My mother was a professor of English.She was a beautiful woman but her beauty was never noticed;not because of some sinister reason but because her charm preceded everything.She dressed simply but elegantly.When she spoke,people especially men were mesmerized by her voice.She was a woman of the world,rich in her ideas and expressive of her opinions.Her father was a poet,a man of great intellect and passion.His mention is necessary only to enunciate my mother's genetic inheritance.I know nothing about her mother.She was a fantastic woman and i loved her more than anything in the world.Not once did i ever tell her this.

She met her husband at one of the famous cocktail parties hosted by the literary who's who of Delhi at Le Meridian.Her husband was there by chance,he was neither an author nor a poet.In fact he possibly had never read a literary novel,the only books he read were pseudo imitations of Harvard returned good for nothing management blokes.I still wonder why she married him.Certainly he was rich,he was rich and a self made man,a rare combination but still he would never accept the fact that his mother married her husband for money.She was beyond all that,she was divine.

They married a month later.I was born a year later.Her husband dealt in some shady businesses involved in international crediting.He was insecure of my mother's circle of friends.They were an intellectual lot and always made him feel greatly insignificant.He grew angry and frustrated.He cut off my mother from the world she loved.She started withering away,away from her literary pursuits but she would not leave him.I guess she didn't want me to grow up without a father.I would have been better without him.I will not do injustice to her husband and claim that he did not love me or my mother.He did but sometimes love is not enough to sustain a relationship.Understanding is often the key to a happy marriage but unfortunately her husband never understood this.My mother felt incomplete without her traveling and literary socializing.She immersed herself in her reading and maintained a facade of happiness but i could always sense her unhappiness.She seemed distant and away from the simple pleasures of life.She was hollowed,hollowed by the society her husband gave her.She was my mother and she was rotting before my eyes.I was old enough to sense her discomfort.We lived a life of luxury,a life of unchallenged bliss but i knew the truth.The truth that my family was a hollow framework of broken dreams and mismatched love.

I was sent to England to study.It was my last semester and i missed my mother.I hadn't talked to her for a while and it constantly ached my heart.Two days before my exams were to begin,i got a phone call from home.My mother was no more.