Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I do not talk about political or institutional anarchy,I talk about human beings and their insatiable desire to conquer everything.When Darwin came out with 'The Descent Of Man',he did mention the part about us being descended from apes but forgot about the massive inferiority complex we suffer from.Every human craves and desires,barring of course some monks,yogis and dopers.And each of these sweet and justifiable desires merge together to form a collective desire or collective guilt as my professor would put it.Egos have inflated and brains have rotted.It often astonishes me how people maintain healthy decorum in this world underlined with violence.From language to religion to culture,all that lies beneath is violence.Pure vicious violence.Outside our conceited selves exists everything that actually matters;the universe,nature,gods and polar bears;and they are angry with us.The bright side is that they are forgiving and patient.You cannot repair what you have damaged but stop now.
Stop and the gods will smile.Don't and they might not.
Don't push it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Delusion coupled with procrastination.
The irrevocable paradox of my existence.Happiness is remarkably chameleon like,swift to change its colors like passions in the abyss of the self.The mind is a cocoon where i concoct my streams of reality.I am mad by society's measure.Its exhilarating.Peaks of ecstatic joy are often coupled with sadistic morbidity.Its is the ultimate hallucinogen.It is the ultimate high.
The world or atleast a small part of it should be scared.Scared of the fact that if i come to power i will flow with the flow.Flow of spiritual depravity.Seems funny to use the world spiritual.Opiate of the masses anyone?
I am complex.I am proud.I am the man who breathes many lifetimes in one life.I get high with my thoughts.They are scary.Plunging deep in the oasis of redemption is all i seek but i need to cross the deserts of my sins first.
I can win wars of cataclysmic proportions with my indifference.Mix that with devious eloquence and you have arbitrariness of human existence.Power works both ways.It takes you to the cliffs of numbing pride but in the claustrophobic premise of life.You live and die everyday.Kings and lepers,my friends,kings and lepers.
I d rather destroy myself than let anyone else crown me king.I am a puppet but every now and then,i pull the strings back.Moral relativism is the next best thing to pragmatism.The final question is:Will you be remembered by posterity or are you another life sucking organism who is the product of minutes of urgent copulation?
Think about it.
'I' is a just a piece of eclecticism.
Ours is not to choose.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
It is an entirely different matter that i don't see them as lies.They are pieces of genius strewn across the world in lingual manifestations of art.I indulge.I create.Fantasies flow from my fingertips,the world is my stage and i,its improviser.I am,as i say,a world class liar.But i almost never lie for myself,I lie for the world.I lie to maintain order in a world full of anarchy.I am the silent superman.
People love me,i say what is needed.I light up their lives while i extinguish mine.I speak words without meaning.To confess love is same as ordering coffee.Words are all i have in this world.My soldiers.My mercenaries.My love.Words.
It scares me what i can do.I can play with lives,with happiness,with sorrows and anything i want to.I am no one's truth.I am my own opponent.Only i can defeat myself.I am both light and darkness.I love this world but my contempt for it is unmatchable.I am Wilde's student,Genet's slave and Dostoevsky's admirer.
I have a mind of a child.Incalculable wisdom.I want the universe in my palm.I want nothing.I want a nice meal with the view of crematoriums and stench of burning flesh.I believe in nothing.I believe in myself.I negotiate with morals.I revel in their existence.I smile to charm and disarm.I am tired of my being but truly,i am just getting started.
Friday, December 18, 2009
A blade of grass is the single most intoxicating thing i know of.As i feel it in my hand,it makes me dreadfully sad and happy at the same time.It makes me smile but its a painful,little sardonic smile which is more than any grieving howling i may ever muster.The realization of one's insignificance can be the zenith of cerebral torment.This moment though transcends me to a world where i am invincible but it also becomes the nadir of my life itself.The blade of grass which is ever so gentle and innocent becomes the focal point of all my undivided attention forcing me to painfully realize each breath which i take.The universe is as indifferent to its existence as it is to mine.The blade of grass becomes both my companion and my competitor,both equal in eyes of this universe yet entirely different in each other's perspectives.The blade of grass is undoubtedly in a better state than me because of its Sisyphean indifference,i don't have that privilege.I am Dostoevsky's idiot albeit a corrupted one but that cannot be the basis of my penance.I must understand both the blade of grass and myself to bring forward a basis of understanding which is illuminating and enlightening with the right judgment of rationality.If one were to argue that i am laying much to emphasis on a blade of grass;then let me make it clear that it is something which makes me think,is a sort of a physical manifestation of an epiphany,the object of my desire can be substituted by anything according to personal wishes.I perhaps may not be able to do full justice to the importance to the magnitude of emotion i feel by holding in my hands a fresh,green,vibrant blade of grass.It represents for me the purest link between beast and nature,the colossal beauty of unfathomable nature encompassed in a simple,avoidable,indifferent,majestic,serene,beautiful blade of grass.
Monday, December 14, 2009
but i fail.
Now i turn
i can't get up.
I now lie
I don't try.
They come and
i am burned
on dead wood
They heave a
to my corner
The above is a new form of poetic expression with which i am currently obsessed with.I am inspired by haiku though one can see i have not followed it strictly.My usual way was not challenging enough.This particular poem uses some of my favorite images and since this is my first attempt,I have tried to keep it simple.Hope you like it.I surely did.
Friday, December 11, 2009
i saw his dark,aloof face.
He walked with a quiet ease
eying things with a mocking ease
He made me feel small
tremble within and shakily fall.
In him i sought a curious joy
For passion ran too deep
and slowly love began to seep
As he walked along the mossy path
grief welled up within my heart.
I wanted him to look up
forget the world and come up
Teach me a lesson or two
about how the cow goes moo.
Be gentle and light
for this is my first night.
But he walked on to the unknown
shattering myths of despair sown
i screamed and grieved
tears of blood as my heart heaved
He did not turn back
for he did not look back.
I lay in a pool of dark blood
cringing to his memory like a slut
then i forced myself to stand
and go to the window
and watch another man.