Taut Warning

Anarchy must end.

I do not talk about political or institutional anarchy,I talk about human beings and their insatiable desire to conquer everything.When Darwin came out with 'The Descent Of Man',he did mention the part about us being descended from apes but forgot about the massive inferiority complex we suffer from.Every human craves and desires,barring of course some monks,yogis and dopers.And each of these sweet and justifiable desires merge together to form a collective desire or collective guilt as my professor would put it.Egos have inflated and brains have rotted.It often astonishes me how people maintain healthy decorum in this world underlined with violence.From language to religion to culture,all that lies beneath is violence.Pure vicious violence.Outside our conceited selves exists everything that actually matters;the universe,nature,gods and polar bears;and they are angry with us.The bright side is that they are forgiving and patient.You cannot repair what you have damaged but stop now.

Stop and the gods will smile.Don't and they might not.

Don't push it.

Ad augusta per angusta

When i sit alone for hours in the darkness of my room i am numbed with joy.It is bliss beyond measure.

Delusion coupled with procrastination.

The irrevocable paradox of my existence.Happiness is remarkably chameleon like,swift to change its colors like passions in the abyss of the self.The mind is a cocoon where i concoct my streams of reality.I am mad by society's measure.Its exhilarating.Peaks of ecstatic joy are often coupled with sadistic morbidity.Its is the ultimate hallucinogen.It is the ultimate high.

The world or atleast a small part of it should be scared.Scared of the fact that if i come to power i will flow with the flow.Flow of spiritual depravity.Seems funny to use the world spiritual.Opiate of the masses anyone?

I am complex.I am proud.I am the man who breathes many lifetimes in one life.I get high with my thoughts.They are scary.Plunging deep in the oasis of redemption is all i seek but i need to cross the deserts of my sins first.

I can win wars of cataclysmic proportions with my indifference.Mix that with devious eloquence and you have arbitrariness of human existence.Power works both ways.It takes you to the cliffs of numbing pride but in the claustrophobic premise of life.You live and die everyday.Kings and lepers,my friends,kings and lepers.

I d rather destroy myself than let anyone else crown me king.I am a puppet but every now and then,i pull the strings back.Moral relativism is the next best thing to pragmatism.The final question is:Will you be remembered by posterity or are you another life sucking organism who is the product of minutes of urgent copulation?

Think about it.

'I' is a just a piece of eclecticism.

Ours is not to choose.

Prince Paradox

I deceive the world at large.Its what i do.I sit in a corner and read Dorothy Parker hoping i could go back and sit with her all day long in a motley coffee shop.I deceive myself too.Its really not that difficult.I spin yarns and tell tall tales of both conquest and loss.I keep my audiences engaged.I tire myself for their joy.I am a performer,a deceiver and a liar.

It is an entirely different matter that i don't see them as lies.They are pieces of genius strewn across the world in lingual manifestations of art.I indulge.I create.Fantasies flow from my fingertips,the world is my stage and i,its improviser.I am,as i say,a world class liar.But i almost never lie for myself,I lie for the world.I lie to maintain order in a world full of anarchy.I am the silent superman.

People love me,i say what is needed.I light up their lives while i extinguish mine.I speak words without meaning.To confess love is same as ordering coffee.Words are all i have in this world.My soldiers.My mercenaries.My love.Words.

It scares me what i can do.I can play with lives,with happiness,with sorrows and anything i want to.I am no one's truth.I am my own opponent.Only i can defeat myself.I am both light and darkness.I love this world but my contempt for it is unmatchable.I am Wilde's student,Genet's slave and Dostoevsky's admirer.

I have a mind of a child.Incalculable wisdom.I want the universe in my palm.I want nothing.I want a nice meal with the view of crematoriums and stench of burning flesh.I believe in nothing.I believe in myself.I negotiate with morals.I revel in their existence.I smile to charm and disarm.I am tired of my being but truly,i am just getting started.

A Blade Of Grass

A blade of grass is the single most intoxicating thing i know of.As i feel it in my hand,it makes me dreadfully sad and happy at the same time.It makes me smile but its a painful,little sardonic smile which is more than any grieving howling i may ever muster.The realization of one's insignificance can be the zenith of cerebral torment.This moment though transcends me to a world where i am invincible but it also becomes the nadir of my life itself.The blade of grass which is ever so gentle and innocent becomes the focal point of all my undivided attention forcing me to painfully realize each breath which i take.The universe is as indifferent to its existence as it is to mine.The blade of grass becomes both my companion and my competitor,both equal in eyes of this universe yet entirely different in each other's perspectives.The blade of grass is undoubtedly in a better state than me because of its Sisyphean indifference,i don't have that privilege.I am Dostoevsky's idiot albeit a corrupted one but that cannot be the basis of my penance.I must understand both the blade of grass and myself to bring forward a basis of understanding which is illuminating and enlightening with the right judgment of rationality.If one were to argue that i am laying much to emphasis on a blade of grass;then let me make it clear that it is something which makes me think,is a sort of a physical manifestation of an epiphany,the object of my desire can be substituted by anything according to personal wishes.I perhaps may not be able to do full justice to the importance to the magnitude of emotion i feel by holding in my hands a fresh,green,vibrant blade of grass.It represents for me the purest link between beast and nature,the colossal beauty of unfathomable nature encompassed in a simple,avoidable,indifferent,majestic,serene,beautiful blade of grass.

*Bliss*

Corner

I lie in a corner
swirling smoke
evading hope
fragmented
reaching out
to touch
feel
lust
but i fail.

Now i turn
to
pills
powder
magic
tribes
gods
women
i can't get up.

I now lie
wasted
again in
a corner
sniffing
snorting
sniveling
I don't try.

They come and
take me
away
they call
a man
my father
whores cry
i am burned
on dead wood

They heave a
sigh
i float
back
to my corner
my place
snorting
sniffing
dead.

The above is a new form of poetic expression with which i am currently obsessed with.I am inspired by haiku though one can see i have not followed it strictly.My usual way was not challenging enough.This particular poem uses some of my favorite images and since this is my first attempt,I have tried to keep it simple.Hope you like it.I surely did.

*FC Kahuna*

Things i do

In an alley behind my place
i saw his dark,aloof face.
He walked with a quiet ease
eying things with a mocking ease
He made me feel small
tremble within and shakily fall.

In him i sought a curious joy
gentle,seductive,coy
For passion ran too deep
and slowly love began to seep
As he walked along the mossy path
grief welled up within my heart.

I wanted him to look up
forget the world and come up
Teach me a lesson or two
about how the cow goes moo.
Be gentle and light
for this is my first night.

But he walked on to the unknown
shattering myths of despair sown
i screamed and grieved
tears of blood as my heart heaved
He did not turn back
for he did not look back.

I lay in a pool of dark blood
cringing to his memory like a slut
then i forced myself to stand
and go to the window
and watch another man.

Luminescence

Walk with me on a leaden night
of dewy stars and moonlit delight
move those parched lips
once sealed with a kiss
when roses seemed roses
and the skies were blue
surely then my love seemed true.

Walk with me and hold my hand
your bosom was my holy land
when i lied whilst you smiled
kittens from your closet mewed
while i made frantic love to you.
in your tears i seldom found solace
secretly scorning your virtuous pace.

Walk with me on an unknown path
through life's mists and fogs
remember and forget our past
for our fateless journey couldn't last
i am indebted to the eldoradian moment
when your voice had a mythical formant
life played with us two a joke
swirling of our emotions like yolk.

Walk with me on a day of possibilities
the moments which define our sensibilities
let me finally reach out to you
knowing me,maybe its not true
don't embrace me from within
don't trust my words yet
the creator has lost the divine bet.

Walk with me to an edge of a cliff
smile gaily for together we have
given life's chariot a slip
the gods scream in anguish
and fate slits its wrists
for we were thinkers but were misfits.

Strings of Chaos

The mind is restless,O Krishna
it dwindles each moment
whilst enveloping me in an illusion
of beckoning glories and riches.
I, in moments of luminosity
see and judge its true self
often forgetting its inference
of deceit and self preservation
Oh the lies it feeds me!!!
Abstractions and confusions
deductions and my delusions
To gaze within truly
brings out grief unsaid
and tragic wonder sweeps me
away from the self
Cries of loss are
now inevitable for
the enemy lies within me
Can one truly believe
the waves of thought
that pass within
body,mind and soul?
I long for the truth
yet petrified at the
loss of innocence
The question that deludes
is the one with which
life will truly conclude.
Questioning makes the self
more restless for then
the burden seems impossible
too much effort and no relief
Will such loss ever come
again at an hour of death?
Will the lost knowledge
ever return to its true master?
I ask you bluntly now
why bring upon thyself
such myriad of contradictions?
Is the center of life worth
the death that comes in moments?
I know nothing of you
nor of myself
You are a craftsman of chaos
and i am your plaything
Give me a moment of
willful realization and
with the beats of my heart
i shall conquer the unknown
The mind is restless,O Krishna......

Unborn

Quietly it lives within me
the secret of my child
unborn and residual
growing with each heartbeat
despair and lament
personified in existence

Its birth was fusion of
lost love and tainted blood
fallen men and exalted gods
dark deeds and mystic rites
curses and blessings alike.

Now its kicks my belly
while i scream in agony
of joyful pains lost in
sunshine's dark rain.

Lust in its soul ingrained
the falcon is hunted
and the gods now weep
over the coitus of loss.

As i feel death brewing
inside my womb of despair
i feel a furious blush
creep up my thigh
tingling and twitching
like a virgin's water breaking.

Dare i call it a child
and risk the loss of
hovering spirits divine?
hoping it sacrifices
my soul at the alter of lust.

Birth shall not matter
for it is now fused
within thy veins
longing and eternal pains

We are now one
trapping and deceiving
the world at large
moments strewn in chaos
from Persia to Laos.

Death might be the key
and i will never be free
as long as i breathe
i promise i will be a mystery.

One Who Doesn't Fall

Love is a fantasy of illusions
broken hearts and enveloping confusions
of loneliness that stems from desire
and stupid Cupid's childish mire.

Its charms are befuddling
grasping while cuddling
It will make life worthwhile
and make you truly smile.

Your worries will turn to dust
your anguish will now rust
but then it will formally deceive
bridging the chimeric sieves.

Then all will be forever lost
and then you might even remember Faust
overreaching and ambitious he was
and like your happiness,forever cross.

You might sit and weep
lament and truly grieve
but the one lost won't return
for love spares no one.

Love is an intoxication
surrendering the self and devastation
all powerful are its chasms
bliss and orgasmic spasms.

Like a wave of sweet pain
and emotion's torrential rain
sweep you off your feet
until you accept defeat

Let it come upon me
like all conquering Poseidon's sea
and i will show it a self
who won't fall in love
I will show myself.

All of love's Friends

I saw her once just by chance
and my heart wandered far and away
I offered her my hand and soul
but she mistook me and left me alone
I often say to myself
her lies a girl that suffered a loss
my love and my soul
I shall have someone else
for my heart lies in my hand
but she will shed a tear
when the truth reaches her ear
I say this today aloud
for you misunderstood me
and left me standing at the door
Now i will never have you back
for understanding you truly lack
I am free of love and her friends
but you dear girl,
will someday realise
that you lost love
and all her friends.

For the one who left

Sullen with rage and god's fallen grace
i walk on a path with time's dead pace
Truth and honor now lay forsaken
with memories of my past brutally taken.

I often glance at the many tombs
of unsung heroes and virgin grooms
emotions out of the ordinary and infants slain
for the coldest blood now runs through my veins.

Reach out to me with the your soft hands
and take me away from this mortal land
where ideas and identities are now dead
with shame,sorrow and lifeless dread.

I now stand forever divided in the realm of chaos
neither can cut a vein nor breathe forever
our conception lies in moments of joy
of history's battles and the fall of Troy.

Death,you surely reek pleasure
in man's wasted and corrupted measure.
Take me with you so i may embrace her
and leave behind shards of my existence forever.

I lament and shriek,shout and scream
for she left me halfway through my dreams
Alchemy and necromancy are my tools
with vengeance and sins i shall rule.

I will wipe out civilizations
and burn the brotherhood of nations
With Nemesis and Mars standing by my side
Overthrow,I shall,god's scared tide.

But injustice is not my way
let you and i work out something today
release my love from hands of death
or let the cosmos face my wrath.

Time Gone By

In a land far from our time
i once saw a woman blind
She struggled along a motley path
oblivious to death's dark wrath.

As she walked,she stumbled often
and each time i felt my heart soften
She had bruises,black and blue
in her heart she knew she was true.

Finally death came upon her
and held her tender hand
She smiled and cried
together to an unknown land.

I see her often in my dreams
walking,stumbling on life's path
never breaking down
moving along her own pace
celestial radiance on her wrinkled face.

She taught me something
of hope and happiness
and god's plan in everything
and lost joy of sadness.

Often i turn to her
finding myself in conflict
turning to the one gone by
and over the divided self fly.

Eros

Come lets go far and away
or you and i will forever sway.
To this maddening crowd
inherently crass and loud.

Visit a sunny meadow
lost in god's own shadow.
Jump and happily squeal
our souls slowly heal.

Take your hand in mine
as the stars above us shine.
The cool breeze in your hair
as we lie near a rabbit's lair.

Fragrant are the budding flowers
freshly minted from yesterday's showers.
The wind makes a curious noise
edging against your body's slender poise.

The sun's shadow now leaves
with solemn passion my breath heaves.
I look daringly in those gentle eyes
glumly darken the above skies.

I reach for your soft nape
amazed at its angelic shape.
You give me a strange delight
blushing furiously at my sight.

As the night slowly passes
i lay my head in your dark tresses.
Hypnotic and dazed in your charms
bliss,glee and joyful spasms.

Fireflies circle our tangled selves
you whisper an old tale of elves.
I quietly murmur a prayer
for you will always be there to care.

Dawn creeps,the night weeps
water from a brook gently seeps.
Young birds yawn and stretch
nibbling the food their mother's fetch.

Your face is covered with a dazzling light
its a divine and blessed sight.
The gods have finally smiled
and made you mine.

Touch

I shall stand by your side
and never let you go.
I made this promise long ago
but now i have to go.

My heartbeats are few
short as the morning dew.
Don't cry over my lonely grave
for it is only your love that i crave.

You are more precious to me
pure,captivating and serene.
Like the love of a sailor for the sea
joy of a gentle lamb in the greens.

I have searched my soul
for lost answers of our past.
To touch you has been my goal
for eternity my love shall last

Left alone in darkness
i often think of death
Of unfulfilled imagination
and life's failing health.

If you could only say yes
and pull me from suicidal abyss.
Call me back,shed a tear
to leave you alone is all i fear.

Now choose me or life
my hand is outstretched.
gently touch my finger
And our love shall always linger.

?

The sun is dim
and the moon has turned black.
For i loved her
and she didn't love me back.

Confessions of a Beleagured Mind------Part Three

Part two is here

"Why did you kill your father",asked the lean,thoughtful police officer sitting in front of me with composed authority.Anurag Chaubey,IPS.The name sounded strangely familiar.The police had arrived about fifteen minutes after the peon had rushed in hearing Mrs Irani's scream."I can't help you if you say nothing",he continued.I looked at him indifferently.He looked at me inquiringly.The bulb shone brightly on my face in the small,dingy room.I could hear a fly buzzing around and i wondered where it was."Listen,boy,you are in some serious shit,you just don't know it yet,you think some hot shot lawyer will get you out.You are mistaken.You have been caught red handed on the scene of crime.Don't make me try a different approach.Now,why did you murder him?",Inspector Chaubey then stood up and gave me a patronizing glance.I looked at him and said"Can i have a cup of coffee,please."He looked surprised but said nothing.He left the room and returned two minutes later with a steaming cup of hot coffee in a shabby looking mug.I drank deeply,savoring each drop with life clinging affection."I admit to my crime.I killed my father or rather my mother's husband.I killed him because i had to.I don't care what happens now.",I said quietly.Perhaps it was the way i said it but i felt his eyes boring into mine,trying to unmask my soul."Your statement is recorded and will be used against you in court.Is there anything you wish to add?"."I would like to finish my coffee before you take me anywhere".I smiled.

My case was forwarded to a fast track court.Since i had admitted to my crime,i was not given a death sentence but rather life imprisonment.My face was splurged on every newspaper in the nation.Debates were held about morality and the inevitable decline of family values.My relatives came from far and away.They came with seething anger and a scathing tongue.I was abused with cuss words every moment fate gave them.A shoe was thrown on my face during the court proceedings by my father's favorite cousin.My humble request to light my father's pyre was rejected by family elders.Our family lawyer visited me and told me that i was now the owner of my late father's legacy.Sixty Seven crores worth of land,factories,cash deposits and what not.It was now all mine.I met one of my uncles after a humble request to Anurag Chaubey."Why have you called me here,you lowly piece of garbage.I,I celebrated,I danced the day you were born.I wish i had strangled you then.What sort of son are you?",he half said,half shouted.He would have continued had i not interjected,"Do you want the money my father left me?".He shut up and looked at me.I looked back."What sort of sick game are you playing now?".I looked back,a small smile playing on my lips."Everything i own will now be yours.I want you to comply to two of my requests.Firstly,I want to be transferred to the worst prison possible.I want to be tortured and beaten.My life should become hell.Let the sexually abuse me,let them bring upon me dark deeds unheard of.Make me suffer.Make me weep.Secondly i want you to burn down every possession my late mother owned.Everything.Do this and you can have everything.",i said in a tone of cold authority.He abused me,threatened to have me shot but finally agreed.He left with numb disbelief at my demands.I relaxed.

My demands were met.The money was transferred.I was beaten everyday without fail.The guards took care that i did not fall unconscious because of the severity of their beating.Cold water,inhumanly frigid was thrown on my face.It felt like being hit by a frozen block of ice.Still the tears would not come.I was raped by frustrated,deviant men who did unmentionable things with me.I ate little,drank much and meditated the whole day.In the evening,the guards would come and the ordeal would begin again.I suffered from hallucinations,often waking up in the night,screaming at unsaid horrors.But gradually my screams lessened and i began to steel myself against the tortures that would never stop.An year passed.Then another too passed.In the third year,I had a visitor who would change everything.

Confessions of a Beleaguered Mind------Part Two

Please read the first part here.

My mother was a professor of English.She was a beautiful woman but her beauty was never noticed;not because of some sinister reason but because her charm preceded everything.She dressed simply but elegantly.When she spoke,people especially men were mesmerized by her voice.She was a woman of the world,rich in her ideas and expressive of her opinions.Her father was a poet,a man of great intellect and passion.His mention is necessary only to enunciate my mother's genetic inheritance.I know nothing about her mother.She was a fantastic woman and i loved her more than anything in the world.Not once did i ever tell her this.

She met her husband at one of the famous cocktail parties hosted by the literary who's who of Delhi at Le Meridian.Her husband was there by chance,he was neither an author nor a poet.In fact he possibly had never read a literary novel,the only books he read were pseudo imitations of Harvard returned good for nothing management blokes.I still wonder why she married him.Certainly he was rich,he was rich and a self made man,a rare combination but still he would never accept the fact that his mother married her husband for money.She was beyond all that,she was divine.

They married a month later.I was born a year later.Her husband dealt in some shady businesses involved in international crediting.He was insecure of my mother's circle of friends.They were an intellectual lot and always made him feel greatly insignificant.He grew angry and frustrated.He cut off my mother from the world she loved.She started withering away,away from her literary pursuits but she would not leave him.I guess she didn't want me to grow up without a father.I would have been better without him.I will not do injustice to her husband and claim that he did not love me or my mother.He did but sometimes love is not enough to sustain a relationship.Understanding is often the key to a happy marriage but unfortunately her husband never understood this.My mother felt incomplete without her traveling and literary socializing.She immersed herself in her reading and maintained a facade of happiness but i could always sense her unhappiness.She seemed distant and away from the simple pleasures of life.She was hollowed,hollowed by the society her husband gave her.She was my mother and she was rotting before my eyes.I was old enough to sense her discomfort.We lived a life of luxury,a life of unchallenged bliss but i knew the truth.The truth that my family was a hollow framework of broken dreams and mismatched love.

I was sent to England to study.It was my last semester and i missed my mother.I hadn't talked to her for a while and it constantly ached my heart.Two days before my exams were to begin,i got a phone call from home.My mother was no more.

My Cat

Oh i walked the pale meadows of yellow with her
i was gay and loved by the tears of distant clouds.
My spirits soared and the sky thundered
i lay upon the open fields,smiling all the way.

She caressed my leg
her whiskers tickling my gentle knee.
I chuckled and beamed in delight
Ah....ah...life was good,i mused.

She died a day later
my grief infinite.
I carried her limp body
to the graves of my fathers.

Now the sky is dark and my soul withered
i loved her greatly and now she has gone.
I may get a million felines
but i will never love another cat.

Confessions of a Beleaguered Mind------Part One

He woke up around the same time his father left for office.His name is irrelevant for the story and hence shall not be mentioned.He then proceeded to go about his usual morning activities which included yoga,meditation and power running.He had a good body and he secretly liked to admire it,but today everything was irrelevant.Anybody who met him was instantly charmed by his well bred manners and eloquence of speech.One could say that we was born with a silver spoon,his wit and charisma were despotically alluring.His deep black eyes twinkled with a cold fiery look of hazy indifference.Loved and revered,he had everything.

He opened the door of his gleaming white Skoda Superb,gifted to him nine days ago on his birthday.The engine gave a grunt of captivated power as he pulled it out of driveway and mulled into the chaos of Delhi.He reached his father's office in a about a little more than an hour.He went inside and gazed at the gleaming Italian marble,the dark mahogany wood and the precise yet firm walk of his associates.Mrs Irani,his secretary of twelve years ushered him in his father's office.

"What is it?",his father asked,a bit irritably.He smiled.His hand slithered to the soft fabric of his custom made Belgian trousers and he took out a blunt,exquisite silver knife and with raw force pushed it deep in his father's neck.
A moment passed.
Blood,dark red blood gushed out.With a resounding thud his father's head fell on the desk.He sat down and waited.Bored he took out his phone and fiddled around.Then he reached over and pressed the intercom.'Yes Sir?",came Mrs Irani's voice.'One coffee,please',he replied.He waited.
Mrs Irani always came inside and prepared coffee from a modern,italian coffee maker tucked away in the corner of the opulent office.She had started screaming hysterically before the door had closed.
He smiled.

A Call To Self

The layers of deception seem sweet
Uncoiling,unraveling the inner conceit.
He is now lost in the abyss of the self
And as i look in his dark eyes myself.

I see the foundations of bubbling pride
sinned forever by the loss of divide.
Don't call him your own blood
I have seen him drown in life's dark flood.

Once upon a sunny time
he used to be mine.
Now he has untimely left
leaving nothing but an uneasy cleft.

Should i reach and call him back?
for it is my dark love which he lacks?
The gods will not forgive and move on
the lights of purity have now gone.

Call him back to my arms
failed lie the last of my charms.
In a void of hazy pain
i have nothing in this life to gain.

I

I will not go
gentle into the night
I will rage
against the dying light.

I will not be silenced
by distant roars
I will seize and kill
the last of kings.

I will not fade into oblivion
nor forget the horrors of my past
I will rise
before the worst tides.

I will not be caught
in the cycle of life and death
I will grasp
the hand of blue gods.

I will not be tempted
by scents of pleasure
I will take time
to rule you all.

I will not die
nor perish by hand
I will live
like the likes of lions.

A Picture And Few Words

A picture says a thousand words but the one above says a million.I find the question of existence both absurd and fascinating.Why is exactly do we exist?What exactly is one's purpose in life?Our life and existence is a result of our social conditioning.Clearly there are no rules,existence is an illusion that we create to sustain our mental well being.One could argue about God and the great design of the cosmos that we still haven't grasped.Surely we haven't grasped everything but to imagine that man still has not begun his intellectual journey would be unreasonably wrong.As time moves on man creates a bubble of illusion around him.He sees what he wants to see and feels what he wants to feel.Therein lies the ultimate irony of life,man is nothing but an outcome of his own imagination.Time moves on,each second bringing us an inch closer to finality of life.Actions and thoughts have no clear reason,we exist as an aberration,changing with each moment.

For years existence has been debated upon by the wisest of men,each man with his own views,bringing us no closer to the truth that forever eludes us.The purpose of this essay is not to undermine the rigorous efforts of those men long gone but rather to think objectively about the subjectivity of life.Clearly this is a vexing problem which has no clear answers but rather assumptions which paradoxically exist as a mirage in themselves.To talk about existence from an anthropologically neutral point of view would be devastatingly wrong not to mention a violation of the norms which this essay underlays.One must take into account socio-economic conditions before categorizing life in a stereotype.Man is an animal and it is not by virtue that we survive but rather by desires.Each moment is an outcome of an incoherent amalgam of desires and survival.We exist not by reason or choice.We simply exist

Elixir Of Life

Dusk gives way to dawn
smiling across the distant skies
I yearn for her touch
lost in a haze of melancholy.

She gives me hope
she gives me love
I bow before her
revelling in her beauty.

The sands of time
nip at my heels
My austerity is distant
my soul decadent.

Thy existence is innocuous
in essence divided
I seek the realm
of reason lost.

We are now fused
mind,body and soul
For each drop carries
life and death.

My heart now bleeds
each impulse a breath
of torrid dreams
and latent fantasies.

Cauldron of chaos
emerges before thee
Each nova emergent
of the last of furies.

She now is free
of fear forever
I lay her to rest
my head on her breast.

I cry silently for her loss
my diadem of passion scattered
She was my elixir of life
in ruins now i lay.

Awed Divinity

As i look upon her
i am caught in a reverie
of unspoken beauty
cocooned in virgin nature.

I stand awed by
the absurdity of my life
in the magnanimity of her existence.

She exudes an aura
hailing gods to shame
reverence lies in her touch
purity in her soul.

I exist as a grain
of emptiness before her
wallowing in pity
of my flawed self.

Her body is my temple
her mind;my study
she is not mortal
for heavens beckon her.

She is all vanity
unfulfilled glory
her treachery treacherous
conjoined with cosmos.

God lies within her
heart pumping couplets
of sacred turbulence
gerontic of creation.

She exists as an anomaly
of divine perfection
ambrosia stimulating
her veinous web.

I am now lost
within her vortex
for it is fated
that i be liberated.

The Grain Of Thought

Unsuspecting lies the own self
quaintly personified in itself
euphoric in its true being
beckoning the illusions of mind.

Thoughts converge mightily
fusing into existence
bringing with them
a vacuum of disorder

The soul is manifested
swirling in the realm of flesh
elusive grains of a dark deed
impotent against the inner gods

Hope and fate
walk hand in hand
to rewrite what has been written
and to seek the lost cause

Chaos seems on the horizon
its dark wings
eclipsing the blinding future
shattering all myths of truth

Why I Write?

Despondency cries out to me,it calls me its own.I know my illegitimacy and i know where i stand.I no longer want to understand it,i just want it to end.Several years of multiple failings has scarred me.The joys of this world no longer appeal to me nor do i care to have them back.The only reason i mention my melancholy is in hope to lose it or envelop it completely.The beauty of pain lies in its constancy.Happiness is always short lived but grief lives on.Its existence is paradoxical for while it lives,you cannot live to the fullest.The question of existence is haunting,more so in the context of an existence that is scarred beyond recognition.If it was only a question of grief i would have cowed down but my life is one big deceit!I live life as a lie,so much so that i myself am unaware of my true self.I often contemplate about the past,hoping to find myself but unfortunately all i find are shimmerings of a lost life.Why do i write all this?Is to seek an answer or to exorcise my demons?In this daze of confused existence,all i have is my writing.

Dark Rage

Consumed by rage
thwarted by love
I walk alone
blinded by fury.

I know not how to control it
this darkness inside me.
I have lost reason
I have lost all joy.

I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men
For i have seen it in my own heart.
Dark,foreboding,full of sins
I live a life of lies.

I fear not the world
I fear not any god
All i have to fear
is my own self.

Time

The thing with time is
it flies like a wounded bird
Haltingly at moments of pain
swiftly at moments of joy.

I know not what time has in store for me
what is good and what is bad
The sun sets on the horizon
and night flies by.

The test of time
is a harsh one.
The mightiest have fallen
the boldest have fled

If you take my word
even gods have feared its wrath
And man is all but dust.

Bloody Hell

Pain,anguish and fury
Three words that define the existential man
That define loss and pain
Hollowness and Asymmetry.

When you are on the edge
When you turn to rocknroll to soothe you
When you have your first snort
When you have your first shot
When you fall into the abyss called love.

I know this feeling
I know it bloody well
Like being euphoric and numb at same time
Like being shot at the moment of realization.

It all bloody adds up doesn't it
U bloody wish
Fate it seems has a sense of ironic humor
And you bloody pay for it.

You think you have it all
and wham life hits you
Bloody clean shot
I pity you all.

The jokes on you
God's unwanted children,eh
Young and hopeless
Bloody jokes on you.

Run wherever you bloody want
life will get you
sooner or bloody later.

Kashmir

She burns like cinder on a cold night
each day fueled with hate.
Since the day her mother was divided
she is paying the price.

She is on fire
she stands divided.
Some burn her in the name of god
some in the name of land.

Each day brings grief
each moment pain.
Troy burnt in a day
she forever burns.

Her tears are silent
her heroes dead.
People killing
people dying.

She was once beautiful
that was her curse
Her face launched a thousand nations
the war goes on.

She shall rise once more
in all her glory.
Like a phoenix
she shall heal it all.

I will avenge her,
i will bring her back.
She has been a whore too long
but her kingdom awaits her.

With flawless beauty
and a child's innocence
She shall return
and paradise will be regained.

Bliss A tribute to Donne

The sun rays fall on her naked body
her sweat glistening like pearls.
I crawl up beside her
my lips upon her.

She gives a soft shudder
as i reach for her.
Her lashes are drawn
her gaze coy.

I look in her eyes
and see innocent love.
As we embrace
her fears are gone.

The grass feels soft
nature is with us.
I plant another kiss
upon her lips.

She is now bold
her pace increases.
I am at her mercy
a cold sweat upon me.

She is young and pure
like fallen snow.
Yet she knows the game
a twinkle in those fiery eyes.

Now as dusk settles
and our bones ache.
I stand and take her hand
to walk away from the forbidden land.

God is in her beauty
God in her touch.
I see a passing dove
as a symbol of my true love.

Truth

Don't cry on my shoulder
I will not wipe your tears.
Your tenderness will not melt me
I will not break.

I won't hold your hand and walk with you
I won't cherish any dreams
For me your existence is a void
Yours charms won't work
I see through you.

The rain won't make any difference
nor shall spring.
I know not how to love
an emptiness fills me up.
The planets play havoc.

Don't wait for me
I shall never return
once gone
forever gone

Our worlds are different
I dwell in darkness
you in light.

I am not what i seem
far from truth
I spin a web of deceit all around
Hell is my heaven

Darkness forever envelops me
rendering me impotent
I have no feeling
a dark numbness is upon me

My words are lies
my actions sins
I know i am wrong
but there is no way back.

You believe I'll change
how wrong are you
I am not loyal to my blood
yet you trust.

Leave me alone
for i am a disease
i feed on happiness
grief is my domain.

I see the world
as dark as night
the chaos lies within me
so does the cure.

I am a fallen angel
evil dwells within me
No good can come from me
No happiness ever.

My words are my crime
I talk in puzzles
i am god's mistake
I am the devil's pride.

Question

I know not how to live
without thoughts in my mind.
I see everything in a different light
each moment a puzzle.
I have been told not to think too much
but therein lies my existence.

My desires are few
yet far away in some distant land
my thoughts lie.
I search for the truth
my hand stretched out
my eyes searching.

I do not know the end
I know not the beginning.
life is puzzling.
but with my end near
i shall sleep with peace

Me-A verse

I prefer to live by the philosophy
To view the world with open eyes and an open mind
To think and speak and act as if I’m free
Little else can mean a thing
I'm the only one of me

Purpose

The question of existence is haunting to the human mind.It borders on self reflection and contemplation of the inner soul.They say that the yogis of ancient India could spend hours on the question of self realization.I envy there life and i envy the knowledge they possess.I am no extraordinary human being,i am just an ordinary human being searching for answers that will help me define the purpose of my existence.Inner realization of truth is the ultimate victory of mind over body,of the soul over the self.

To finds one's purpose in life is very important.I dread the moment when death takes me and i would have lived a life without purpose.To live is not merely to breathe,it is to take in every moment of your existence as a blessing,as god's will for you to do something.Each man is different yet absurdly same when it comes to the question of identity.Does the man next to me not feel pain,sorrow,grief,guilt,desire and happiness?What really separates us are the deeds we do in life,the actions we perform and the emotions we betray.

I talk now of redemption,of glory and of my tryst with destiny.It is true that we reap what we sow,we get what we do and what goes around comes around.No one is questioning the existence of karma.But it is equally true that sometimes the hardships in life tend to grow stronger and one finally begins to wonder about the purpose of life.Marx was right when he said that religion was the opium of the masses.I fall,therefore,I pray.The fallen and the weak take solace in religion,in philosophy,when life's struggles become overbearing.The weak wallow in a pool of self pity,cursing their very existence and questioning god about the miseries of their lives.

The great men who lived,the ones we remember and also the ones we don't,are truly god's children.I talk about the great poets who left verses of life behind,of writers who are now immortal because of their words of wisdom,of fallen soldiers who were lions and of countless other men and women who spent their lives trying to leave the world a better place,to leave it better than they had inherited.They were lions in this world of gloom and despair,holding their own in an eclipse of darkness,inherently confident of the glorious future ahead.To remember them would be an insult to their memory,for they were men of action.To truly cherish their memory,it is imperative that we go ahead in life,to rid society of evils and to to truly end what they had begun.
That is my purpose.

*The future is so bright that it is blinding my eyes*

Past Chronicles

I long for the lost summer
golden rays upon my porch

I long for the lost blue sky
whose beauty charmed my mind

I long for the lost lush green grass
whose touch made my feet tingle

I long for the lost laughter of my family
whose joy made me weep

I long for the lost charm of the evenings gone by
when curious winds used to make me smile

I long for lost goodness in my heart
which showed through my sparkling eyes

I long for the lost touch of my grandfather
whose wisdom made me wise

I long for the lost love for the world
in whose future i used to trust

I long for the lost dreams
in the lap of those i used to sleep

I long for the lost friends
whose names are etched upon my heart

I long for the lost days
when beauty existed everywhere

I long for the lost joy
of seeing a rabbit blush

I long for the lost habits
gone without a trace

I long for the lost long walks
where ideas were born

I long for the past
as i long for the future

The Soul Health

The pain of loss is unbearable.When i was young,i used to curse the gods and tempt fate.I used to mock the absurdity of the universe.Now the joke is on me.Each day is search for identity,purpose and redemption.What will it take for the gods to forgive my sins.With fate against me,i feel this pressure build up in me.Nothing seems right,nothing seems good.Happiness is all but gone.Every moment seems like eternity.This is destroying me from within,my body,my soul and my mind.I fall from a cliff each day and with blood in my mouth,i can't take solace about it being a dream.

I clearly did not intend this to happen.No matter how hard you strive,no matter what you do,you shall lose if the gods don't intend to smile upon you.Where did i go wrong in life?Am i never to witness the jubilation associated with success?My fall in life is purely an aftermath of my own indifference towards work.The fault lies entirely within me.I am the one to blame.Hence,I must suffer.I do,though,hope that I learn something from these years of pain and sorrow.I hope I shall rise like the proverbial phoenix.

I,on the bright side,haven't lost hope.I still have my flame up and burning.The winds of fate couldn't extinguish it(no provocation intended).The fact of the matter is that i still long for the blue sky,for those glorious lost days,of happiness,of joy,of innocent laughs,for those days when i was me.As long as i shall dream,as long as i shall desire,there will be a day when i shall achieve.

My victory will not be marked by fireworks or great hooplas of joy but rather by the purity of my soul.The day i shall smile from within will be the day when my happiness shall truly begin.

The politics of Hamas

Israel is a tiny country surrounded on all sides by countries filled with people who hate them. I may be 1 off, but I think it's 56 Muslim countries and one Jewish country in the Middle East and Israel is being called the racist one because they won't let Palestinians flood into their country in greater numbers than their own, which would eventually displace them. And it is their own country, not just some 'occupation' and anyone who says it isn't is racist. It is populated by Jews cast out of all the Middle Eastern countries who faced genocide there. These countries, many of them filthy rich, fund Hezbollah and Hamas to eradicate the Jews in Israel like you would vermin. To combat all the weaponry and money funneled into their enemies hands, the US funnels money and weaponry into Israel. That's what I call a fair fight. Also, Israeli Intelligence is the best in the world for movements in terrorist organisations, i.e. the WESTERN WORLD NEEDS THEM, which means YOU NEED THEM in your comfy little world of judgment.

High Palestinian death toll helps Hamas, which is why they put the Palestinian people in the line of fire using them as human shields. What is very common is to confuse Hamas, whose base is in Syria and funding is from Iran, mostly, with Palestinian civilians. Hamas doesn't give a rat's behind about the Palestinian people. They seek to control and use them for the proximity of their country to their foe, Israel. And they're really good at it, because they've got all of you against Israel saying things like 'Hitler was right' (Amjad Shahani). Here are some examples of how they do it:
Hamas cuts off electricity and blames Israel saying they've run out of fuel when they have a month's supply
Hamas places Palestinians on top of munitions and blames Israel when they get blown up.
Hamas steals food, fuel & medical supplies and blames Israel and its 'blockade'.
Hamas binds members of Abbas's Fatah party and throws them off tall buildings for their defiance and willingness to recognize Israel's right to exist.
Hamas tells the Palestinian civilians, to whom all information they control, that the rockets they send into Israel are just 'fireworks'.
I can forgive the Palestinian civilians for not getting the true picture and making subsequent unfair judgment of Israel. All of you condemning Israel, on the other hand, have as much information to hand as you wish, and have no such excuse.

Israel left Gaza in 2005 and left in tact infrastructure, such as working farms, buildings and greenhouses, ready to employ Palestinians and enjoy statehood. Hamas destroyed it all and dug tunnels. They could have become part of the political process but wouldn't recognize Israel's right to exist and have routinely sent thousands of rockets into Israel since 2005. During the cease-fire, they took this opportunity to dig tunnels through which they could smuggle arms and terrorists. Why didn't they spend money on building hospitals and shelters for the Palestinian people they say they care so much about? Because then there'd be no dead bodies to exploit.

Hamas is a terrorist organization which uses schools and other seemingly stable and innocuous organizations as fronts to give them legitimacy to the outside world who knows no better. Most Palestinians know they are being used but can do nothing about it and if they do they face bloody reprisal from Hamas. Calls reporting the U.N. school as a launching point came from within Gaza from people who remained anonymous to avoid such reprisals.

It's horrible, yes. Everyone who instantly piles all the blame on Israel do not corner the market on compassion. Israel has learned the hard way that cease-fires allow Hamas to go underground. They have been dropping papers all over Gaza stating that they are going after Hamas and asking the Palestinians to evacuate their neighborhoods. Do not forget how this started: During the cease-fire, Hamas attempted a raid such as the one they perpetrated in 2006 which took Israeli soldiers hostage, one of which they still hold - Gilad Shalit. Israel prevented it and Hamas took this as their cue to re-start their rocket attacks on civilians.

So many have pointed out that so many Palestinian civilians have died, but so few Israeli civilians have died. This is because the Israeli government spends money on shelters and training for neighborhoods to prevent deaths. And they're very good at it. Practice makes perfect. All Israelis have to be in the Army regardless of class or gender. No such shelters and training exist in Gaza; why build them when all the dead bodies, exploited properly, get all of you on Hamas's side? Hamas is smart and you're falling for it - hook, line and sinker.

Vengeance

My day is near
my prey close at hand
he is unaware,he is joyous
my blow shall not be swift

I will make him bleed
i will make him scream
he does not know
that his life is now at an end

He won't die in vain
there will be glory in his death
and all my foes shall know
that the dark lord has awakened

All those who had wronged me
all those who had mocked me
fear the hour
for i have vengeance in my blood

I won't show mercy
my hand will be steady
these words are not hollow
my soul is on fire

Prepare yourselves for battle
for the moment has arrived
when you shall fade in dust
your wives shall be widows
your sons orphans

Your impotent god will not save you
your charms shall fail
with Satan on my side

I am coming to draw blood

Animal

All hell shall break loose
chaos shall take over
when i shall rule

I wasn't born this way
they prophesied about my greatness
but your loss made me an animal

I have lost you here on earth
and i know we are never to meet again
for your place is in heaven
while i shall burn in hell

Your touch is lost forever
and that makes me cry all night
your touch is lost forever
and that makes me an animal.